On most of my days off, i have so much anxiety about how to best spend the time. a full fledged day off is few and far between. It’s laughable… I’ll wake up, draw, and then freak out: do I spend half an hour fruitlessly searching through something interesting to watch on netflix, only to watch 30 mins of something i don’t care about and turn it off, to find myself back at square one? Or do I pop in a little fallout 3 and waste the entire day, and then feel guilty that i didn’t try to make something? should I just try and sleep, to try and curb this perpetual state of tiredness? or maybe does the dog need a walk? Maybe I should try to write a short story, or organize the garage, or walk to a restaurant… Sometimes, by the time i’ve settled on something, it is noon. No joke. half the day gone. Enjoyment anxiety… who knew?
If you don’t get what i’m talking about, it’s the human equivalent of a dog phenomenon easily observed whenever i walk in my front door. When my dog coffee gets so excited about seeing me that she starts shaking and she just makes herself terrified, and then she doesn’t know what to do with herself, she is experiencing exactly what my days off feel like. Excitement, and then fear. For her, it doesn’t start out as terrified, but it gets there pretty quick. Same for me. Why? I don’t know. I’m a good dog owner, i walk her, i play with her. I like to think I know how to relax on my days off… But she can really freak herself out, and I guess I can too. All worked up over nothing.